Striving to win at compassion? You've missed the point

Compassionate leadership is frequently thrown out as a key to business success. But what does that mean? Frankly, it's not about the leader at all. It's about the person behind the position and what they do for others for the sake of others, not themselves. It’s about the “-ship” part or the character of the leader versus a label you can add behind a name.

Compassionate leadership is not sympathizing with an employee who is struggling, knowing that it will earn you a higher ranking internally or boost your reputation. Nor is compassionate leadership sending a snack platter to the break room because it will earn you brownie points with those you supervise.

Compassion is seeing another person as a person who is part of a larger system. And it’s helping that person with their needs — so they can help other people with their needs.

Compassionate leadership is helping others in need without keeping score. The award that's impossible to win is the “Most Compassionate Award.” To climb to the top of the compassion ladder implies that you are showing empathy and doing nice things for a reason other than being in the moment with another person to help them as a human whose role in life is bigger than you or that person alone.

COMPASSION IS NOT TRANSACTIONAL

Sure, it’s fine to win an award that highlights your compassionate leadership. But that’s not why you help others through their struggles. And suffering your own needs for the sake of another is not compassion either. There are no calculations with compassion, no transactions.

COMPASSION IS SIMPLY SEEING A NEED AND MEETING A NEED

A wise person once told me, “You don’t have to look far and wide to find ‘the greatest’ need. There is always a need right next to you.” Unless you are still striving for the impossible “Most Compassionate Award,” there is a need that you can help with within arm’s reach today.

BUILDING YOUR COMPASSION

For the current leaders out there, can compassionate leadership be taught? What about aspiring leaders — can you take steps to build your compassion now? Of course! If you are willing and able — the key to compassionate leadership is to focus internally to better serve others outwardly. Don’t act a certain way at work and a different way with your children or loved ones. Be the person you want for others at home and at work.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TODAY TO MOVE TOWARD BEING MORE COMPASSIONATE BY NATURE?

Try this. Imagine yourself pausing right now and walking up to the balcony of a theater to observe yourself back on stage. What do you see? What was behind you that wasn't obvious when you were on stage? What did the person you were interacting with see from their perspective? What did the audience observe watching the interaction on stage? What act was waiting to emerge from backstage to follow you?

By envisioning the entire environment from multiple perspectives, we can create a surviving and thriving place that others flock toward.

Retain employees, recruit the best talent and create a sustainable business by practicing compassion at home and work. Compassion is not a button you can switch on and off to benefit you in a given moment. Compassion is a way of being. The balcony visualization exercise is a good DIY option to building compassion.

Check out psychology of financial planning and financial therapy continuing education options to continue growing. Your business thanks you and your family and friends will thank you.

Sonya Lutter, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is inaugural director of financial health and wellness at Texas Tech University’s School of Financial Planning. She owns consulting firm ENLITE and authored "A Couples Guide to Love & Money: 15 Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship."